Free checklist · for families

Questions to Ask a Memory Care Facility

Memory care tours tend to show you the locked door and the garden. What decides whether your parent has good days is harder to see: how staff are trained, how they respond when someone is frightened at five in the afternoon, and whether the day has any shape to it. These questions get at those things, with what a good answer sounds like. The printable checklist has room for three places side by side.

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What memory care is, in one paragraph

Memory care is a secured setting for people living with dementia. It can be a wing of an assisted living community, a standalone building, or a unit inside a nursing home, and it is licensed by the state under whichever of those it belongs to. Ask which license it holds; that tells you which inspection reports to look up.

Before you tour

  1. Ask which license the memory care unit operates under (assisted living or nursing home), then look up its inspection reports. For nursing homes, Medicare's Care Compare website has star ratings and inspection results; for assisted living, check your state licensing agency.
  2. Call your state's long-term care ombudsman about complaints. It's free; the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116) will connect you.
  3. Plan to visit once in the late afternoon. That is when restlessness and confusion often peak, and it shows you how staff really work.

The 19 questions to ask

Under each question: what a good answer sounds like. Write down what they actually say; the checklist has a line for it.

Training and staffing

  1. What dementia training do staff get when they start, and every year after?A good answer: A named program with actual hours, for everyone who touches residents: aides, night staff, dining and housekeeping too.
  2. How many staff are on the unit during the day, the evening, and overnight?A good answer: Separate numbers for each shift. Evenings and nights are where short staffing hides.
  3. Will the same caregivers look after my parent day to day?A good answer: Yes, consistent assignment. Familiar faces lower distress for people with dementia.
  4. How long have the unit's lead staff been here?A good answer: An honest answer. Stable staff know residents' habits; constant new faces mean every day starts over.

Safety

  1. How is the unit secured, and where can residents walk?A good answer: Secured doors plus somewhere safe to walk, ideally an enclosed garden, so residents can move without feeling locked in.
  2. How do you prevent falls, and what happens after one?A good answer: A described approach (lighting, footwear, regular checks) and a clear rule for calling family.
  3. Do you use physical restraints or bed rails?A good answer: No restraints, with an explanation of what they do instead for someone at risk of falling.

Hard moments and medications

  1. What do staff do when a resident is upset, refuses care, or is awake at night?A good answer: They look for the cause first (pain, hunger, the toilet, noise, boredom) and try a different approach or a different person before anything else.
  2. How are antipsychotic and sedating medications used, and who reviews them?A good answer: Only after other approaches, with regular review by the doctor, and the family told before a new one starts.
  3. What would make you ask my parent to leave memory care?A good answer: Written criteria. Ask where people usually go if their needs outgrow the unit.

A day with a shape

  1. Can I see the activity calendar and watch an activity?A good answer: Activities spread across the whole day, including the late afternoon, in small groups, at more than one ability level, and residents actually taking part when you look.
  2. What does an ordinary Tuesday afternoon look like on this unit?A good answer: A specific answer: music at two, a walk in the garden, folding laundry together. "Lots of activities" is not an answer.
  3. How do you learn who my parent was before dementia?A good answer: A life-history form that staff actually read and use. Ask to see a blank one.
  4. What happens for residents who can't or won't join a group?A good answer: One-to-one time in their room, planned and written into their care plan, not just a television.
  5. How do you help with eating and drinking?A good answer: Help at the table when it's needed, finger foods for those who struggle with cutlery, and weight and fluids tracked.

Family and money

  1. Who is my contact, and how often will I hear from you?A good answer: A named person, regular care meetings, and a call the same day if anything changes.
  2. Can I visit any time and join activities?A good answer: Yes. Families are welcome, including at meals and activities.
  3. Can my parent stay here through the end of life, with hospice?A good answer: Yes, so the last move isn't made at the hardest time.
  4. Is the rate all-inclusive or tiered, and how much has it risen in recent years?A good answer: A written rate sheet and the history of increases. Ask about Medicaid, too.

What to check with your own eyes

  • Watch whether residents are doing something, or sitting in a row facing a television.
  • Notice whether staff speak to residents at eye level, by name, and wait for an answer.
  • Listen. A good unit is calm: no alarms going unanswered, no one calling out ignored.
  • Visit in the late afternoon at least once.
  • Look at the walls: memory boxes, names and photos on doors, clocks and calendars people can read.

Red flags

  • No clear answer on dementia training hours.
  • Medication as the first response to distress.
  • An activity calendar that stops at 3 p.m.
  • Residents who look unwashed or bored at mid-morning.

Take the Memory Care checklist on the tour

Every question above in large print, with a line for their answer, a what-to-look-for page, and a sheet to compare three places side by side. Free, plus one useful email a month. Unsubscribe anytime.

After the move: the visits

Whichever place you choose, the visits are what make it home. The first few are the hardest to fill. A handful of conversation starters or a page of trivia from their young years gives you something to do together besides asking how the food is.

Paid pack · the full version

For the visits after the move: the Conversation Card Deck

148 print-and-cut prompts that invite a story rather than test a memory — sorted by theme so you can match the mood of the room.

  • 148 prompts on print-and-cut cards, 8 themed decks
  • Theme printed on every card, so the decks stay sorted after cutting
  • Family guide and group guide — how to follow a memory instead of correcting one
  • Make-your-own blank cards for the stories only your family knows

Buy for $6.99 See every page →

The free printable above is the sample. This is the full pack: 28 pages · secure checkout by Stripe · download link arrives by email within a minute. Or get every pack for $24.99.

Personal use and single-location activity-program use — one home or one facility — with unlimited printing at that location. Please don't resell or redistribute the files.

Questions families ask

What questions should I ask a memory care facility?

Ask how much dementia training staff get, how many staff are on duty in the evening and overnight, whether the same caregivers look after each resident, how staff respond when someone is upset or refuses care, how sedating medications are used and reviewed, and whether you can see the activity calendar and watch an activity.

What should a good memory care activity program look like?

Activities spread across the whole day, including the late afternoon when restlessness often rises, run in small groups at more than one ability level, with planned one-to-one time for residents who can't join a group. Staff should know each resident's history and use it.

When is the best time to visit a memory care unit?

Visit once on a scheduled tour and once without an appointment in the late afternoon or early evening, when confusion and restlessness often peak and you'll see how the unit is actually staffed.

How do I check a memory care facility's record?

Ask which license the unit operates under. If it's part of a nursing home, look it up on Medicare's Care Compare website; if it's assisted living, check your state licensing agency's inspection reports. Your state's long-term care ombudsman can also tell you about complaints.

The other two checklists

This guide is general information to help you ask good questions. It isn't legal, medical, or financial advice; rules on care, licensing, and Medicaid vary by state.